AntiNostalgic
by RanchanGRNL
Summary: Yuki chasing Shu? A Monkey in a Tree? A Concert gone Wrong with a Man in a Bunny Suit? What's going on? Read and find out what madness lurks in Yuki's mind. YukiShuichi
1. Default Chapter

"We can't do this anymore"  
The words tumbled out of my mouth before I even realized it. I had delayed saying these very words for so long. Each day it got harder to say them. But, I knew they had to be said. It was for the best.  
"Do what anymore?" asked the pink bundle in my arms.  
I stood up abruptly and stood by the window, lighting a cigarette. I needed something to calm my nerves.  
"This." I stated plainly, as if it explained everything.  
He stared at me with those violet eyes that made me want to take him right there. I shook my head. I'm Yuki Eiri. I want no man, no woman, no one at all. So how can those two eyes, very plain in fact, have this effect on me.  
"Yuki, I don't understand. What can't we do anymore?" He asked slowly.  
I knew what he was doing. He was trying not to invoke my anger. Yea, well, I thought. It isn't working.  
"Don't be stupid. You know exactly what I'm talking about. This! This." For being a writer, I sure was having a hard time putting it into words. It was as if my subconscious wasn't letting me say the words I knew I'd dread. I scowled. Why wasn't this going as I had planned?  
I slammed my hand against the window in frustration. He flinched.  
"Look," I managed to spit out, a bit more harshly than I planned. "You can't stay here anymore. I want you to leave."  
He said nothing. He just stared at his hands, playing with his fingers. For once, he had nothing to say. I was surprised. No manic crying, no panic cries of "Yuki! No! You can't mean this!" Just.silence.  
"Did you hear me, stupid?" I stated calmly, my voice wavering a bit. I still faced the window. I didn't want to look at his face. I was too afraid I would burst into tears. I'm Yuki Eiri. I don't burst into tears.  
"I heard you." The voice finally croaked out. "And you're right. I've been thinking about this for a while now. It's over between us, isn't Yuki?"  
I was stunned. This.this wasn't right. I mean, sure.the whole purpose was to get this pink haired moron out of my life but.No, wait! That's not what I wanted at all!! Whose crazy idea was this anyway?  
I stood in stony silence, cursing the brain that forced me to say the words that betrayed my heart. He sat there still, not moving. How could he be so calm in all this when it was I, I, who was shaking? I am Yuki Eiri. I do not shake. In fact, I have no emotions, save the ones I write down on paper.  
He sighed and stood up. I dared not turn around for fear of collapsing in front of him. I just stood there, holding my cigarette that I had barely touched. It was then that I heard the words I never thought I'd hear from his lips.  
"Goodbye, Yuki."  
And with that, he walked out the door. I never turned around, not even once. When the door shut, I sat down on the couch and calmly smoked my cigarette. This is for the best, I thought. I am alone again. This is how I always pictured myself. A lone writer, free to do whatever and whomever he so desires. It's quite thrilling being able to sit with one self and be absolutely content.  
Shut up, said a voice from deep inside me, a voice I'd rather have stayed silent. You don't believe any of that shit. You're only hurting yourself, you know. Swallow your pride for once! He's probably right outside the door, waiting for you to welcome him back. If you don't do it now, you'll regret it.  
God, how I hated that voice. It sounded like a cheesy old movie. But, I was compelled to follow its orders.  
"I'm just checking to see if the paper has come." I mumbled to no one.  
I walked over to the door, each step making my heart pound one beat faster. Not because of him, I told myself. I'm just not used to such strenuous activities. Cigarettes can severely cut down on your oxygen intake.  
I reached the door knob and hesitated. What did I expect to do if someone was on the other side?  
I swung the door open. "Stupid." I called out into the darkness. "Come on inside before you catch cold."  
There was silence. I blinked and stepped out onto the porch.  
No one was there.  
I stood there for a minute, stunned. Then, slowly, shut the door again and locked it. I slumped against the door, still amazed at what I had found.  
He wasn't there. He actually left. I am Yuki Eiri. Nobody leaves Yuki Eiri.  
But, he did.  
That night I did something I very rarely did. Something I hadn't done since that night in New York many years ago.  
I screamed.  
  
Hiroshi Nakano was woken up for the second time this night. The first time he found a very pleasant surprise on the other end of the door. Now, he realized as he opened the door, that pleasant surprise was going to have to take a back seat.  
"Shuichi!" Hiro said in alarm.  
There was his best friend standing in his boxers and undershirt. No shoes, no coat, nothing to indicate that he had just been outside in freezing weather. Shuichi looked up at Hiro, his one hand holding onto his other arm in a defeated manner.  
"Hi Hiro." He said without a smile. "Mind if I stay here for the night?"  
"Of course." Hiro said quickly, ushering his friend inside to his warm apartment. "But, what are you doing here at this time of night? Aren't you supposed to be with Yuki?"  
Shuichi flinched at the sound of Yuki's name. Hiro's blood ran cold. Something happened.something bad.  
Hiro calmly looked his friend in the eye. "What happened, Shuichi?"  
Shuichi's eyes focused on Hiro's. They no longer held that spark of life that was the embodiment of Shuichi. They were dead eyes.  
"I'd rather talk about it later. I'm really tired. I'll just crash on the couch." Shuichi said mono toned. Hiro watched as Shuichi walked, zombie like, to the couch. He then lay down with a sigh, closed his eyes, and fell fast asleep. Something inside Hiro snapped.  
He walked back to his bedroom and started locating his clothes.  
"What's wrong?" a sleepy voice from the bed muttered. "Who was at the door?"  
"Just Shuichi, he's going to crash here tonight." Hiro said as he threw on his leather jacket. Ayaka sat up with a start.  
"Shuichi? Is there something wrong that I should know about?" She sounded alarmed.  
"No, no he's fine. I just have to.check something." Hiro said. Ayaka wasn't convinced.  
"Are you sure?"  
Hiro gave her a kiss. "When do I ever do anything I'm not sure about?" She giggled.  
"Only about once every day."  
"So this is my one time today. I'll be back in a bit. Don't wait up." Hiro grabbed his keys and hurried out the door. He had to see what was going on, for Shuichi's sake.  
  
I walked over to the fridge and grabbed a beer. I stared at it for what seemed like 10 min. No, beer will not do. I thought. I want something stronger. I put the beer back and wandered over to my liquor cabinet. I opened it and stared at.nothing. There were no bottles! I know I had at least 10 bottles of assorted drinks. Where the hell did they go? I couldn't have possibly drunk all that since the last time I checked here.  
I felt around the dusty cabinet for one stray bottle. There was none. But I did find something that I thought was a random piece of paper. I pulled it out to throw it away when I noticed there was writing on it:  
  
BAD YUKI! No Alcohol For You! ^_^  
So, I threw away all the bad stuff.  
Don't be mad.  
Love,  
Shuichi  
  
"Stupid kid." I muttered. "When he gets back."  
That's right. He left. He's not coming back.  
I walked over to my computer. There was one bottle of Vodka I hid for emergencies. And this was such an emergency. I took a swig from the bottle, and my ulcer rebelled. I was doubled over in pain, when the doorbell rang.  
"Dammit!!" I grunted.  
The doorbell rang again.and again. It was as if the ringer had ADD or OCD or something that compelled him to keep ringing that DAMN BELL!  
"SHUICHI!" I yelled in pain. "GET THE DOOR!"  
Shit. I thought. He can't. He's not here.  
The doorbell stopped ringing. But that's when the knocking began. I hobbled over to the door and threw it open.  
"What the hell do you want?" I asked whoever was knocking at my door. I really couldn't see that well. My glasses had fallen off, not to mention the fact that I was still in immense pain. When I finally focused on who it was, I noticed it was that idiot's friend, Hiroshi or something like that. He was standing there gawking at me. I figured he was here looking for that moron.  
"He's not here. He left. He's not coming back. Don't bother me again." I said, going to slam the door in his face. But, he stopped it with his foot and forced his way in.  
"What have you done to Shuichi?" He asked me, trying to sound threatening. I laughed. Well, about as much as I could laugh with a belly full of fire. I managed to make it to the couch without bending over. Didn't want his friend to think I was aching for him or anything melodramatic like that. It was just, this pain!  
"Well? What have you done to him?" He asked me again, sounding like a Spanish Inquisitor.  
"Nothing" I answered honestly.  
"Bull shit!" He spat at me. "Shuichi came to my apartment not 15 minutes ago and it sure as hell didn't look like 'nothing'. What did you say to him this time?"  
Thank God, he made it to Hiroshi's without any problems. My heart gave a sigh of relief. But then reality set in. He's not mine to worry over anymore.  
"I didn't do anything. He left me. Perhaps you should ask him, I'm sure he'd give you a better idea of what happened." I glared at him. He had no right to come in here and demand to know what had happened. As if I did something wrong. Who does he think he is, trying to threaten me?  
"You didn't do anything? I find that hard to believe. He came walking into my apartment totally defeated. He looked the same way after ASK had their way with him, so I find it difficult to." That's all Hiro got out. I jumped up off the couch, the pain in my stomach be damned, and pushed him against the wall.  
"Are you suggesting," I growled, "that I forced myself on him like those, those, animals?"  
"Well, it does look that way." He stared me down. He actually believed that's what happened. I banged his head against the wall.  
"If you ever compare me to people like that again, I swear to you, I will kill you." I let him go. He seemed to have gotten the message.  
"Now get out of my house."  
Hiro left. I heard the door slam and his motorcycle start up. I lit another cigarette, but didn't smoke it. That's how Shuichi looked, I thought. It hurt. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but it hurt to hear that Shuichi looked dead on the inside. Perhaps it was for the best he left. It seems I killed another love. Only this time, I did it all by myself. Shuichi never did anything, except be stupidly, annoyingly loud and bouncy. He never hurt me. Until now, that is.  
I kept rethinking about the events that took place. I shouldn't have said what I did, but I always manage to say stupid things like that. I mean, that's who I am. I push people away when I really need them the most. Shuichi always saw through my act, but now...  
I've been thinking about this for awhile now.It's over between us, isn't Yuki?  
I growled in frustration. What the hell did he mean by that? Thinking about what exactly? About leaving me? Was he just waiting for the right moment to tell me he didn't love me anymore and had found someone else? Was that it?  
I slammed my fist into the coffee table. Whoever had stolen my Shuichi away had better be prepared for a battle. I don't let people walk away from me. I do the walking away. It's not over until I say it's over.  
I thought you didn't care about him, said the annoying little voice that just wouldn't shut up lately.  
It has nothing to do with love or caring, I assured the annoying voice. He hurt my honor, and now, I'm just about to get it back. 


	2. Chapter 2: What now?

Thank you everyone for reading :-D I hope that I keep your interest. This section has some funny bits in it. Most of 'em are Yuki.hehe. He's all gooey on the inside.that tough guy act only goes so far. So, enjoy Chapter 2 of the story. Here it goes:  
  
The sun was up by the time Hiro made it back to his apartment. He had spent the last few hours in a bar near Yuki's house trying to figure it all out in his mind. He was sure something had happened. Shuichi was always up beat and perky. That's what he loved best about his best friend. Whenever something horrible happened, he rebounded with even more of the fun loving energy that entranced all the teenage fans in the audience. That's what had him so confused. He just couldn't understand the look in Shuichi's eyes last night.  
It was true what he told Yuki. Shuichi did looked the same as that night when he called Hiro to pick him up off the street after Aziwa's goons had their way with him. Eyes so full of sadness, not like the real Shuichi at all. But there was something else. His voice. When Hiro had talked to him that night, his voice had a cry to it. It just made Hiro want to cry himself, cry for the pain his poor friend should not have suffered. But this time, the tone was different. He barely recognized it as Shuichi's. It was flat. No substance at all. That's what really scared him. He'd never heard Shuichi like that before and he never wanted to hear it again.  
That's why he thought Yuki had physically hurt Shuichi. And Hiro wouldn't put it past the guy. I mean, look at him, Hiro thought. His demeanor screams of violence and heart ache. Yet, when he's around Shuichi, it changes. It becomes softer, more forgiving. So why the hell would Shuichi run away like that? It makes no sense. And the way Yuki looked confirmed that he hadn't touched him. The man was in pain, it was obvious. Not to mention the fact he almost bit my head off when I suggested he hurt him, Hiro thought rubbing his neck.  
"Man, I hope he didn't leave any bruises." Hiro muttered, looking at a mirror that was hanging in the hallway of his apartment complex. "Ayaka's gonna think I was up to something with Yuki. Oh, that's just what I need. 'How dare you get further with Yuki than I did.' Sheesh, one fight I'd like to avoid is Yuki Eiri."  
So what the hell exactly happened? Hiro didn't know the answer to that one. But there was only one way to find out. And that was to ask Shuichi.  
Hiro opened the door to his apartment and cried out, "Honey, I'm home!"  
No answer.  
Huh, that's weird, Hiro thought. Someone should be around.  
"Hello?" Hiro tried again. Suddenly a pink-haired blob bounced out of the kitchen.  
"Hemph mrmph temph!"  
"Swallow first, then say hello." Hiro instructed.  
"Sorry, Hiro. I was downing a huge scoop of ramen noodles when you called. I almost choked!" Shuichi grinned. Hiro had to smile back. Who couldn't feel like smiling when Shuichi smiled? It was catching.  
"It's ok, Shuichi. Got any more left in the pot?"  
"Oh yea!" Shuichi exclaimed, turning back into the kitchen. "I made like three bags worth! I was really hungry when I got up this morning."  
Shuichi got a bowl down and filled it with noodles. He handed them to Hiro and sat down across from him, grabbed his bowl and resumed eating his ramen.  
"Hey Shuichi?"  
"Yea?" Shuichi muttered in between his huge mouthfuls of ramen.  
"What happened last night?"  
Shuichi put his spoon down and pushed his bowl away. "Nothing."  
"Nothing?" Hiro asked. "Then why did you sleep over here? Why aren't you with Yuki?"  
Shuichi looked down at the table and started to trace the design in the table cloth. "What, I can't visit my friend?"  
"At 3 am? Shuichi, you never visit me that late at night. Besides, you sure as hell didn't look like 'nothing' last night. What's going on?" Shuichi still didn't make eye contact with Hiro.  
"I'd rather not discuss it right now. It's nothing to worry about."  
Hiro shrugged and turned back to his noodles. "All right then. But just to let you know, I gave Yuki a little visit last night."  
Shuichi stood up. "You did what?!?", he exclaimed.  
Hiro continued to eat. "I was worried about you, so I went by Yuki's to see what was up."  
"How dare you do something like that, Hiro! When I say I don't want to talk about it, I don't mean to go behind my back and find out for yourself! What kind of friend are you?" Shuichi was furious.  
"What kind of friend am I? What kind of friend am I?!? I'm the kind of friend that will take you in at 3 am, see that something is dangerously wrong and forfeits their sleep to find out what that something is! I had to go see Yuki last night, Shuichi. I couldn't wait until you felt like telling me! You're my best friend, my family. And no one is allowed to hurt you. I don't care if it is the great Yuki Eiri. No one hurts my family." Hiro looked Shuichi in the eye. He was tired of always protecting Shuichi without even a thank you. What he did last night was for Shuichi's own benefit. And if he couldn't see it, then that was just too bad. If Hiro hadn't gone out last night, he wouldn't have been able to sleep. Shuichi meant too much to him for Hiro to just 'forget about it'.  
Shuichi looked away. "What did Yuki say?"  
Hiro sighed. "Not much. He just told me that if I wanted to know what happened to ask you. He said he didn't know why you left. He seemed sincere enough, for Yuki."  
Shuichi laughed a bitter laugh. Hiro was taken aback. That was a strange reaction for Shuichi.  
"Doesn't know what happened. Heh, for once I have him asking why instead of the other way around. Perhaps his personality has finally rubbed off on me." Shuichi added sarcastically.  
They sat in silence for a few min. Hiro silently wondering just what had happened to cause the change in his friend. He'd never known Shuichi to be bitter towards anyone. Why had he started on Yuki?  
"So, is there anything you want to talk about?" Hiro finally asked.  
"There's nothing to talk about." Shuichi stated. "Yuki pushed me for the last time. And, I'm tired of crying. Completely and totally exhausted. I need a break, that's all."  
"Are you sure that's what you want?" Hiro said. He was a little uncertain. This didn't sound like Shuichi at all.  
"Hiro, I thought that you would understand. It's not that I don't love Yuki, I do. I just...never mind. It doesn't matter anymore." Shuichi stood up and put his bowl in the sink. "We should go to the studio. Fujisaki said he'd meet us early to work on the new song for the concert. I want to see the look on his face when I actually show up on time."  
Shuichi smiled. It was the old Shuichi smile. But something has definitely changed, Hiro thought. And he wasn't sure if it was for the best.  
  
I got up that morning to complete silence. I just lay in bed waiting to hear something other than my own thoughts. It's funny. A couple of months ago I would revel in the fact that I was probably the only person in the world that could be comfortable with his own thoughts. And now I was wondering if someone had been putting something other than tobacco in my cigarettes. I hated listening to my own thoughts. They kept telling me that I was a stupid fool for letting him go like that. And that I was disgusted by the lack of noise that usually filled the apartment at this time in the morning. Shuichi would just be getting out of bed right about now. In fact, at exactly this moment he would have just stubbed his toe on the couch and cried for about two seconds before laughing at how stupid he was to have done it again. Then, he'd come in and wake me up. I, of course, would have just thrown my pillow at him and called him stupid. And he was stupid for waking me up. Didn't he realize that I had worked late into the night trying to finish my new book before the deadline? Not all of us can live like rock stars.  
Who are you kidding?, my inner voice spoke up. If there is anyone in this house that lives like a rock star it's you! Stop blaming that kid for what you hate most about yourself.  
Shut up, I said to that voice. No one asked for your opinion. Now go away and leave me alone.  
Oh sure, now that Shuichi leaves you have to take your anger out on someone else, the voice bantered back. It's fitting that it's yourself.  
At that point, I decided that I was officially insane.  
"ARGH!" I yelled out loud in my apartment. It echoed once before it died. I listened to the silence a few moments longer, longing for someone to answer my cry. No one did.  
"How is it possible that that kid made me crazy? I'm Yuki Eiri. I'm not crazy." I muttered to myself.  
As if on cue, that voice answered back. And here you are talking to yourself, isn't that the first sign of insanity?  
I knew I had to get out of that empty house. If I stayed here any longer I'd turn into a raving lunatic who talks to inanimate objects. Kinda like Sakuma Ryuichi, Shuichi's favorite singer. I shuddered at the thought. The last thing I wanted to do was compare myself to that idiot. He's about 10 years older than me and he still acts like he is 15. How pathetic. And if I don't get out of this house right now, I'll become just as bad.  
I got dressed quickly, ignoring the dog suit I found under the bed, and walked out the door. I lit a cigarette and started walking. I didn't know where I was going, I just needed to walk. Every so often someone would recognize me and ask for an autograph. It was rather annoying. Didn't they realize I had something better to do? I'm Yuki Eiri. I don't do autographs. The fans own enough of my writing, they don't need a random slip of paper with my name on it. I walked for what seemed like forever when I noticed where I was. I looked up and saw the NG building. What the hell was I doing there? What twisted forces of nature led me to the one building where I was guaranteed to see him at least once?  
Suddenly, as if an answer to a prayer, Shuichi appeared walking down the street next to Hiro. I stood like a statue, my cigarette almost falling out of my mouth. What the hell is he doing up so early? He never gets up this early, I thought to myself. What kind of game is he playing at? Just then, Shuichi turned and looked in my direction.  
"Shit." I muttered. I didn't want him to think I had followed him here. I'm Yuki Eiri. I don't follow anyone. But, I do climb trees.  
I jumped up into the nearest cherry blossom tree I could find and hid amongst it's branches. Luckily, it still had some leaves so I was some what hidden from site. Shuichi kept walking, talking to Hiro. He hadn't seen me.  
  
Whew, he didn't see me, I thought in relief.  
So.this is how the Great Yuki Eiri gets his prized dignity back. He climbs a tree and hides from the person he supposedly doesn't care about.  
Shit, I thought. That voice is back again. But before I could tell the voice that I wasn't hiding, just merely inspecting the tree for a rare type of tree moss as research for my next book, Shuichi walked right underneath. I could hear exactly what he was saying.  
"For the last time Hiro, I don't want to get it. Why can't you just drop the subject?"  
"How can I drop the subject Shuichi? It's just so bizarre. Yesterday all you could talk about was 'Yuki this' and 'Yuki that' and 'I can't wait to show Yuki my new song'. And today, you act like you've never even met the guy, not to mention once loved him."  
Shuichi sighed. "Look Hiro. I know it's hard to believe, but there is a very good reason for my breaking up with Yuki."  
At this sentence, I perked up. I wanted to hear what that very good reason was.  
"So, do you mind telling me what that very good reason is?" Hiro asked.  
"You see, I'm in love with-"  
Just then a huge garbage truck came thundering by. I missed what Shuichi told Hiro. I did my best to read his lips, but from up in the tree it became difficult. But that little voice inside of me must have been listening. He filled in the missing blanks for me.  
"I'm in love with someone else." That's what the voice told me he said.  
How do you know that's what he said? I asked the voice. He could have just said, I'm in love with Pocky for all you know.  
The voice remained silent. We both new that I was fooling myself. Shuichi had found someone else. Someone that wasn't me.  
I sat in the tree and watched Shuichi walk into the studios. I should have known that was the reason. Why else wouldn't he have fought to keep me from kicking him out? It was because he knew he had someone else to go to. I wasn't needed anymore.  
I growled. How dare Shuichi toss me aside. That was my job, not his. If I find out who stole him away from me, they'll wish they had never been born.  
I grabbed a branch and snapped it in two. This day just couldn't get any worse. I'm stuck in a tree and I've lost my lo--, no not love, I mean toy. Yes, I've lost my play thing. It was definitely time to get out of this place. I was just about to jump out of this ridiculous tree that I was NOT hiding in, when someone spoke.  
"Yuki-san?" it said in bewilderment.  
Oh no, I thought. Please God don't let it be-  
"Yuki Eiri? What in the name of all that is HOLY are you doing up in that tree?" Asked a tall blonde in a feathery coat.  
"Who's in a tree Tohma? Who Who? Kumagoro wants to know, na no da!"  
"Research" I stated plainly. "I'm writing a new book about two lovers who meet in the branches of a cherry blossom tree and I was making sure that it would be possible to have a love scene up here. You know, checking to see if there was enough room for two people to move in."  
Tohma didn't look convinced. I was beginning to think that my lie hadn't worked when that clown next to him spoke up.  
"Hai, Hai Tohma. Shu-chan told me all about it, na no da. Kuma was very interested." He grinned that childish grin of his. I wanted to smack it off his face. Shu-chan?  
I jumped down out of the tree and walked over to him. I glared down at him. "Shuichi told you about my story, eh?"  
"Hai Hai!" He smiled. "Shu-chan came over last week and he told me all about it! We always have fun when we hang out, don't we Kuma?" He nodded his pink bunny in agreement. It only furthered my anger. Over last week?, I thought. He told me he had a late rehearsal that night. Could it be.could it be possible that he left me for HIM!?!?  
I stood there clenching and unclenching my fists debating on whether I should deck him now, or drag him off somewhere not in plain sight. Tohma could see my anger rising and quickly intervened.  
"Come on, Ryuichi. We have to go inside and start practicing on that new song for the concert in a few days. Let's go."  
Ryuichi smiled. "Hai Hai!" He then turned and looked at me. It looked like he was going to say something serious when he took his pink bunny's arm and waved bye-bye to me. That was almost my breaking point.  
"Good luck in your research, Eiri-san." Tohma called back as he took the crazy moron by the hand and led him into the building. I just stood there on the sidewalk, my temperature rising. So, I thought. Sakuma Ryuichi is who you pick. Well, don't think you've won yet. I'm still not giving up.  
Ah, so now you care?  
That stupid voice. I'm going to kill it one day.  
Of course not, I told it. I just don't like Sakuma-sans face. And besides, I haven't had a real fight in ages.  
Sure, the voice said. We'll see.  
Oh yes, that we shall.  
  
Once again, thanks for the reviews.really boost my ego. Heh, like it needs more inflation. Hope you like this next section. Now I gotta think where I'm going from here.  
  
Think..think.think  
  
Ninja monkeys sound good ;) 


	3. Chapter 3: And now the Larch

Short Chapter, I know. But it's late and I have work tomorrow. Thanks again for all the responses. I really enjoy them. And now.number three.The Larch!  
  
Shuichi and Hiro walked into the NG building iin silence. What Shuichi had told Hiro made sense, if someone else had been speaking the words. It just sounded...different coming from Shuichi.  
Perhaps he's finally grown-up, Hiro thought.  
Just then a screeching comet flew out of no where and glomped Shuichi.  
"SHU-CHAN! SHU-CHAN!" it shrieked.  
"RYUICHI!" Shuichi shouted back in the same high pitched tone. The two men were bouncing off the walls in such glee at seeing each other.  
Maybe I spoke too soon about the "growing up" thing, Hiro thought with a sigh.  
"Shui-chan, guess what Kumagoro and I saw up a tree this morning?" Ryuichi said, barely containing his glee.  
"What did you see?"  
"A Monkey, Na No Da!"  
"A Monkey?" Both Shuichi and Hiro were confused.  
"Hai Hai!" Ryuichi said smiling. "A big blonde monkey. Me, Kuma and Tohma were walking by the cherry blossom tree outside when a big blonde monkey appeared in the tree. Tohma tried to talk to it, but it was mean." Ryuichi pouted and held onto Kuma tight. Shuichi stood there, stunned.  
"A mean, blonde monkey?!?" Shuichi turned around to face his friend. "Hiro, you don't think it could have been-"  
Hiro was baffled. All he could do was just shrug. Shuichi looked anxious, a bit scared and...was that a glimmer of hope in his eyes? Was Shuichi hoping Yuki was the monkey Ryuichi was talking about? The idea seemed ridiculous.  
"Come on, Shuichi. It couldn't have been him. Yuki Eiri doesn't climb trees."  
"You're right. I'm stupid to think he would care enough to come down here in the first place, not to mention evesdropping in a tree. It's just.." Shuichi stopped and looked down.  
"Just what?" Hiro prompted.  
"I was just hoping he heard what I said. Maybe...maybe it would change things."  
Hiro didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could do to help his friend. So he just leaned over and gave Shuichi a hug.  
"I'm sure everthing will work out for the best." Hiro whispered into his ear.  
"I hope so." Shuichi started to sniff. Hiro knew he was crying.  
"Come on Kuma, let's give Shu-chan a hug too." Said Ryuichi a bit more serious then before. For a few moments the three stood in a tight embrace. Shuichi felt safe. He had two friends that would love and support him no matter what. Why was it, then, that he chose the exact opposite type of person to fall in love with?  
"Ahem" a deep voice said. There was a 'click' sound heard.  
The group turned around to see a tall blonde man pointing a gun at all three of them. "I hate to break up this party, but Seguchi Tohma wants to see Shindo in his office." The man said briskly.  
Shuichi gulped. "Hai, Mr. K. Hiro tell Fujisaki that I'm going to be late after all."  
Hiro nodded. Shuichi turned to walk away when-  
"WAIT UP! Ryuichi and Kuma want to come too!!!" Ryuichi launched himself in Shuichi's direction. All of a sudden there was a loud bang and smoke filled the room.  
When the smoke cleared, Ryuichi lay on the floor, stunned. Mr. K's gun was still smoking in his hand. "Tohma said Shuichi was to come alone. Be thankful those were just blanks, Ryuichi."  
K turned and walked out leaving behind two frightened musicians and one dazed pop star.  
  
I walked around Tokyo aimlessly before I headed back to my apartment. I was so exhausted. I just needed to take a little nap. So I climbed into my cold bed and quickly fell asleep.  
  
I can't wait til I get home. I have so much to tell him! I'm so excited! I can't keep myself from bouncing up and down. Wait til he sees what I wrote. He's going to be so proud of me. He's going to take me up in his arms and say, "What a good job you've done today. You deserve a reward!"  
I'm smiling. The thought of him always makes me smile. It's this wonderful warm feeling I have in the pit of my stomach. Like everything is beautiful with the world. Nothing is wrong or broken. It's just, happy.  
I walk into our apartment. I love saying 'our' apartment. Even though I sort of moved in on my own, he didn't kick me out. Now it's our home. I look around and I hear noises coming from the study room. He must still be working, I say to myself. Hehe, I'll sneak up on him and give him a great surprise.  
I tip toe into the room. His back is to me. Hehe, I laugh to myself. I'm sneaky. I run up behind him and glomp him as hard as I can.  
"SHUICHI!!" I scream.  
He doesn't even flinch. In one quick move he manages to un hook my arms from around his waste and push me to the side. "Baka." He says in a cold tone. "What are you doing here?"  
I giggle. "Oh, Shuichi! You know what I'm doing here. I had such a fun day at work today. Me and Tohma were working on this chapter, and I think it's the best yet. Could you read it for me?"  
He turns around and stares into my eyes, his cold purple meeting my warm yellow. "Why on earth would I want to read your pathetic attempt at writing?" he spits out at me. I gulp. I hate it when he gets like this.  
"Shuichi" I whine.  
He ignores me and stands up to go to the kitchen. I follow, of course. I can't leave my Shuichi alone. "Well, if you won't read it, would you at least come to the book sigining today?" I ask nervously.  
He grabs a beer from the fridge. He shouldn't be drinking. The doctor said it wasn't good for his ulcer. "Shuichi, you shouldn't really be-"  
He glares in my direction. I stop. He hates it when I tell him what to do. We stand there in silence, the air getting uncomfortable by the minute. "So, uh.will you come tonight?" I ask him again.  
"No." is all he says as he walks back into his study.  
"Shuichi, but why?"  
"I hate your books. I hate your writing. It's childish and worthless, not to mention trite and unoriginal. So leave your whining outside this door. I have more important things to do than worry about your silly book sigining." He slams the door in my face, leaving me by myself in the cold living room. I slump down to the floor, my tears already flowing down my face.  
"Shuichi" I whimper. Why does he do this to me every time? Why can't he just say a few kind words every now and then? Why does he have to put me down? I love him, but is that enough? All I want is him. Each time my Shuichi does this I lose a part of myself. I begin to cry louder.  
Suddenly the door opens and Shuichi walks over to me. "Baka." He whispers to me, gently. He dries my tears with his fingers. "I didn't want to hurt you, but you're pretty when you cry." He sings softly to me.  
"Shuichi" I look up into his purple eyes, a little softer than before. "Is that a new song you're working on?"  
He just looks at me intensely, my knees start to shake. "What do you think?" he asks, continuing to hum the song. "If you knew how much I loved you you would run away." He starts to kiss his way down my neck. I shiver. I loved when my Shuichi sang to me. "But when I treat you bad it only makes you want to stay." He started to take off my shirt. "I didn't want to hurt you baby but you're pretty when you cry."  
"I love you Shuichi." I whispered into his ear before we made it to the bedroom.  
"You're mine." He whispered back more aggressively. "Yuki Eiri."  
  
P.S. The song Shuichi is singing is "Pretty When You Cry" by Vast. I suggest you all check it out. ^_~ 


	4. Chapter 4: It's starting to wind down

Doot doo..Longer chapter this time.actually winding down to the end. Thanks again for all the responses. I really do appreciate them. And now.on with Chapter four! :-D  
  
I woke up with a start. "What the fuck was that?" I muttered to myself. I was sweating all over and my heart was beating a mile a minute. That dream..that dream was-  
"A nightmare." I whispered. I leaned back in my bed trying to calm my nerves. Was that really what he felt? Was I really that cruel to him? All those thoughtless comments that came out of my mouth.  
"You annoy me."  
"Your songs are crap."  
"I hate your music."  
"Leave and never come back."  
God, I am an asshole, I thought. No wonder he was always crying. I'm surprised he's still around. It's a good thing I realized this before-  
Reality came crashing down on me once again. He was gone. He had left. And I knew why. It wasn't because of me, wasn't because of what I said or did. He had left me for someone else. That.that child of a man, Sakuma Ryuichi stole him away from me.  
"It's time I show Sakuma Ryuichi that Yuki Eiri doesn't like his toys stolen." I muttered to myself as I picked up the phone. I hesitated for a minute, anticipating my inner voice to protest. He didn't. I snickered. Guess that dream shook him up too. Good. I could use the quiet right now. I dialed the number for NG studios.  
"Hello, you have reached NG studios. This is Excel, how may I direct your call?"  
"I'd like to speak with Seguchi Tohma."  
"Please hold."  
I waited listening to the elevator music. It sounded familiar. After a few more seconds I knew why. It was Sleepless Beauty by Nittle Grasper. That brat used to listen to it non-stop for hours. Thinking of him made me angry and the fact that the singer was Sakuma Ryuichi made it even worse.  
"I'm sorry, but Seguchi-san is in a meeting right now. Would you care to leave a message?"  
"This is urgent. Try again." I snapped at her.  
"I'm sorry sir, but he has asked not to be disturbed. But if you leave a message-"  
"Listen, I'm having a really bad day. Now just get on the phone and tell Seguchi Tohma that Yuki Eiri would like to have a word with him. And if you refuse I'll make sure you're out on the street before the day is done."  
The girl gulped and stammered "Hai" before putting me on hold again. This time the music was The Rage Beat, one of his songs. I was ready to pull the phone out of the wall when the phone line finally cut in.  
"Eiri-san? What's wrong?" Tohma asked, concern in his voice.  
"I need a favor." I said.  
"A favor?" Tohma sounded surprised.  
"Yes a favor. I need the address of Sakuma Ryuichi."  
Tohma was silent. "Did you hear me?" I asked my patience wearing thin.  
"Yes, I heard you." Tohma said. "Why do you want Ryuichi's address?"  
"I didn't ask for an interview. I just need the address." I snapped. Tohma was entirely too nosey for his own good.  
"Fine. I'll give it to you on one condition."  
"What" I growled.  
"You can't hurt him. Ryuichi has a concert tonight and I'm not about to cancel it because you got a little jealous."  
"Argh! What do you know about it?!? I'm not jealous. Now just give me the damn address!" I was furious. If he wasn't my oldest friend and my brother-in-law why I'd-  
"Here it is." Tohma read me the address as I copied it down. "Now promise you won't hurt him." Tohma added.  
"Fine." I said before I slammed the phone down. I won't hurt him Tohma, I thought as I made my way out the door. Besides, it doesn't hurt once you're dead. It was the first smile I'd smiled all day.  
  
Shuichi walked slowly up the steps to Tohma's office. It had been about an hour and a half since Mr. K told him Seguchi wanted to see him. He and Hiro helped take Ryuichi home. Even though the bullets were only blanks, they sure packed quite a punch. Ryuichi had a concert tonight and Shuichi didn't want his idol to perform badly because he was hurt. Not that Sakuma-san ever performs badly, Shuichi thought. Even if he was on his death bed I'd bet he could still sing like a god.  
Shuichi neared Tohma's door and gulped. Nothing good ever came from a private meeting with Seguchi Tohma. A meeting always meant that something was going to change, which isn't too bad. Some changes are good, like Fujisaki Suguru. But a PRIVATE meeting was something extremely different. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had a private meeting with Tohma. Why does he want to see me alone, wondered Shuichi. He knocked on the door.  
"Come in."  
Shuichi nervously entered the room. "Ummm, you wanted to see me?"  
"Ah! Yes, Shindo-kun. I'm just checking on your progress. How is the new album coming along?" Tohma was smiling. Shuichi's nervousness grew. Tohma smiling wasn't necessarily a good thing.  
"Very well actually. Hiro and I made up some really good songs and Fujisaki is putting a killer beat behind it. All in all, I'd say things are running smoothly."  
"Glad to hear it. Do you have any tracks completely finished yet?"  
"Just one. We're supposed to finish mixing it today." Shuichi's stomach began unknotting itself. Whew, he thought. He only wants to talk about Bad Luck business. That's a relief.  
"Good, then you won't mind showcasing it at the Nittle Grasper concert tonight."  
"Showcasing?" Shuichi felt a bit confused. Nittle Grasper had the entire two hour block booked solid. Where would Bad Luck showcase?  
"Yes, you see we have a spare fifteen minutes at the beginning of the concert and I thought it would be an excellent promotion for your new album." Tohma smiled again. This time Shuichi smiled back.  
"I'd love too! Of course I will have to talk it over with Hiro and Fujisaki, but I don't see any problems."  
"Perfect." Tohma went back to whatever he was doing at his desk. Shuichi turned to go out when a thought struck his mind.  
"Uh, Seguchi-san?" he asked timidly.  
"Yes?" Tohma responded without looking up.  
"Is that all you wanted to see me about? I mean, Mr. K could have told us about the concert and we as a band could have let you know about the progress of the album, so I was wondering why-"  
"Why was it that I only asked you up here?" Tohma cut in.  
"Well, yea." Shuichi stood there while Tohma took his grand ole time to answer the question. After a few minutes, Shuichi began to wonder if Tohma had forgotten that he was still standing there. He was just about to leave when Tohma finally opened his mouth.  
"I saw Yuki Eiri this morning."  
"Oh?" Shuichi said trying to sound indifferent. It wasn't working.  
"Yes. He was acting very unusual. Do you know anything about this?" Tohma looked at Shuichi. He just shrugged and said casually, "What do I care if Yuki is acting odd. It's not my problem."  
Tohma stood up and walked over to him. He wasn't smiling. Shuichi would have given anything to have that smile back. A non-smiling Tohma was even worse than a smiling one. Shuichi backed up against the door.  
"If Yuki is acting different then it is your problem. I've been trying too damn hard and for too damn long to keep him happy and I'm not about to let someone like you to mess things up. I hate to threaten you, Shindo-kun. Bad Luck is the most promising act at NG. But if Yuki Eiri is at all hurt by you, I can ruin you faster then you can say 'law suit'. Got me?"  
Shuichi nodded his head.  
"Good." Tohma said but he wasn't backing off. "Now, I want you to tell me what's going on."  
Shuichi's mind struggled to think up an answer. He was too afraid that the truth would make Tohma angry. "Well, you see.uhhh" Suddenly the intercom cut in.  
"Seguchi-san?"  
"What" Tohma replied agitated.  
"There's a phone call for you on line 2."  
"I'm in a conference right now. I don't want to be disturbed." Tohma's eyes never left Shuichi's face. His knees began to shake.  
"Well, I'm waiting."  
Shuichi's eyes darted around the room. He didn't look Tohma in the face. Please, let me think of something, Shuichi prayed. Just then he heard the click of the intercom.  
"Excel, I thought I told you-" Tohma scolded but the girl interrupted.  
"It's Yuki Eiri. He says it's urgent."  
"Put him through." Tohma looked at Shuichi then smiled. "Glad we could have this chat. I'll see you at the concert tonight. Excuse me as I take this call."  
Shuichi stood there baffled. He didn't know what just had happened. Tohma walked over to the desk and picked up the phone. "Eiri-san? What's wrong?" His voice was filled with concern as he motioned Shuichi out of the room. Shuichi backed out trying his best to listen to the conversation.  
"A favor?" was the last thing he heard as he shut Tohma's door. He just stood there for a bit thinking things through. "Yuki's acting different.." "A Monkey in a tree." "A favor." What was Yuki doing? After all the fights he'd had with Yuki he'd never known him to act this bizarrely before. But, then again, this fight was different. Shuichi had never been this hurt before. He hadn't told anyone this, but it took everything he had not to lock himself in his room crying. He was in terrible pain. Last night was just the icing on the cake. You see, it had been one year ago last night that Aizawa and his 'friends' had raped him. He'd been having nightmares all week. And the fact that Yuki had tried to end their relationship once again was Shuichi's breaking point. He had to leave. He didn't want to believe that their relationship was over. He just said that last night because he was so angry and scared. And now, Yuki was acting strange. Was it because of him? Was Yuki finally trying to get him back?  
"Probably not." Shuichi said down heartedly. "I'm kidding myself if I think the Great Yuki Eiri would go out of his way and risk his reputation to find me."  
Yet, Shuichi thought. There was a time when Yuki would do just that. But all that had changed now. Yuki had become colder, more secluded. He didn't let Shuichi into his world at all. He had to push Yuki every step of the way. And it made him tired. But, perhaps, Yuki had changed once again. Maybe he had a change of heart and wanted Shuichi back.  
"And maybe pigs will fly. Yuki will never change. And as much as I love him despite all his flaws, I just wish he would bend once again. For me."  
Shuichi hurried down to the studio. He just got an idea for a great song.  
  
More than once I reprimanded myself for heading over to Sakuma Ryuichi's apartment. This is stupid, I told myself. Crazy. I don't care about that brat enough to do this. Let him date whoever he wants. It doesn't concern me.  
Ahhhh, but it does concern you, said a familiar voice from deep inside.  
What? You're back? I was just beginning to enjoy the silence. And besides, I really don't care.  
Then why are you going to Sakuma's apartment?  
I didn't have an answer. So I kept walking, reminding myself that the man I was about to see had seduced the fool into leaving me. Why else would have left? Not that I wanted him back, mind you. I just don't like to be made a fool of.  
I walked up to the apartment building and checked the address. Yea, this is the place, I thought. I went up to the door and rang the bell.  
"A-WOO-GA!"  
What the hell? Was that the bell? I pressed it again.  
"A-WOO-GA!" I shook my head. This guy is nuts.  
"Shu-chan! Come in, the door is open na no da!" called a voice from inside. I had to take a deep breath. Remember, you have to talk to him first BEFORE you kill him.  
I walked into the apartment. It wasn't that nicely decorated. It still had the air of someone who had just moved in. There were boxes stacked in random corners. A box of Strawberry Pocky was lying on the kitchen counter. It was empty. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Can't even pick up after himself, I thought. How does he expect to keep that neat freak with these kinds of habits.  
"Shu-chan! Are you ready to play, na no da?" called Ryuichi happily. He walked into the living room, his Kumagoro in hand. I stared. He was wearing a pair of his leather pants and no shirt. A towel was across his shoulders and his hair was damp. I clenched my teeth. Ryuichi stopped smiling when he saw who was really standing there.  
"Yuki Eiri?" he sounded surprised.  
I didn't respond. I was trying to contain my anger. Here he was waiting for him in nothing but a pair of leather pants?!? Something was most definitely up. Ryuichi began looking around the apartment. "Is Shuichi with you?"  
"No." I managed to spit out. "He is not with me. I came by myself. Tohma gave me the address."  
Ryuichi smiled. It appeared he wasn't bothered by my menacing appearance. Looked like I'd have to try harder. "Have a seat, na no da. Want some Pocky?"  
"Tell me" I said, ignoring Ryuichi's offer. "Tell me what you're doing with him."  
"Shu-chan? We're just playing, aren't we Kuma?" He nodded the pink bunny in agreement. This infuriated me further.  
"Cut the childish bullshit, Sakuma-san. Now just give me a straight answer. What are you doing with him?" Ryuichi stopped smiling.  
"Him? I don't know what you're talking about."  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. That pink haired brat is over here more times then I can count. Now, I want to know what's going on." I was beginning to lose my cool. I hated it.  
"He has a name, Eiri. It's Shuichi. Why not use it sometime." He said defensively.  
"Just tell me!" I roared.  
"Nothing." Ryuichi said fast. "There is nothing going on between Shuichi and me, ok?" Ryuichi sat down on the couch. I stood puzzled. I wasn't convinced.  
"Oh really. Nothing. Then why the hell does he come over here all the time? To bake cookies?" I said sarcastically.  
Ryuichi picked up his pink bunny and began talking through it. "Actually, we backed a whole sheet of chocolate cookies yesterday, na no da." That was the last straw. I grabbed the bunny and launched it behind the couch. Ryuichi stared in amazement.  
"You've got ten seconds to explain yourself before you become that bunny. Talk. Now." I growled. Ryuichi looked down.  
"Do you know why I act silly all the time, Eiri?"  
"What does this have to do with-" He cut me off.  
"Do you? Do you actually know why I play with a pink bunny and add nonsense words to the end of all my sentences?" He sounded serious.  
"Because you're a moron and can't act any different?" I answered coldly. Ryuichi chuckled.  
"I think you understand me better then you say you do. But I'll explain anyway. Ever since I was young I craved love and attention. It seemed that the only way I could get it was to act a fool all the time. People would laugh and I would feel loved. But now I know it's not true love I feel. It's the love of entertainment. Not the real me. Everyone sees me as a clown. No one knows the true Sakuma Ryuichi anymore. They just know and expect the clown. It was what I had known for so long, I began to lose myself in that image. But then I met Shuichi. He saw through my mask. Saw the true Ryuichi inside. The Ryuichi that wrote all the heartfelt Nittle Grasper songs. He is my friend, my best friend. And I hold that dearer then any love anyone else has ever given me."  
I was confused. "So then, you're not sleeping with him?" Ryuichi laughed.  
"No. When I look at Shuichi I see myself. Or rather, what I should have been. Shuichi is someone who doesn't hide behind a mask. He isn't afraid to put his true feelings on the line. He opens himself up for the world to see without fear of loneliness or rejection. And besides, he's in love with you. And I won't make Shuichi sad. Which is why I'm worried about him." Ryuichi looked at me more seriously then he ever had before.  
"Oh? And why exactly are you worried?" I asked him, trying to sound aloof.  
"Shuichi has become more somber over the past few months. More subdued.and I'm wondering whether it's because of you." I was taken aback. Him? Subdued? That's not how he acted at home.  
"I don't know what you're talking about. So the little idiot is a bit quieter. So what. Maybe I can get some peace for once." Ryuichi stared at me and then sighed.  
"You just don't get it do you. Well, for your sake I hope you figure it out soon. Or else Shuichi will be lost to you for ever." That's it. I had had enough.  
"I'll be going now." I stood up, but something was nagging at my mind. "But one last question. Why did you say that I understood you more then what I was saying?"  
"Because you hide behind a mask too. It's ironic that you hide behind your fear of love when all along you have love staring you in the face. I on the other hand, hide behind a façade of love when really I'm desperate for it. We're actually quite alike, you and I." Ryuichi stood up and walked back into the bedroom. Before I left he added "Come to the concert tonight if you really want to fix things."  
I left and began walking back to the apartment. I had a lot of things to think about. 


	5. Chapter 5: I so evil

OOOO.hehe. Short Chapter 5, can I make the suspense last any longer? *nods head up and down* Yes.yes I can. Once again, thank you for all the reviews. ^_^ You are all responsible for my friends chasing me with bats because my head is so big it looks like a piñata.he..heh..heh.because of the reviews. Ya know, I read them and I get and inflated ego and, argh. Never mind. Read the next chapter. :-D  
  
Shuichi looked into the mirror and put the finishing touches on his stage costume. Fujisaki and Hiro were behind him. It was ten minutes before they were to go onstage. Fujisaki, like always, was flipping out.  
"Shindo-kun, why are we playing a song you wrote today? Why can't we sing the song that we just recorded." Fujisaki was pacing up and down.  
"Because, this is the song I want to sing." Shuichi said calmly.  
Hiro walked up to his best friend. "Are you sure this is what you want? He might not even show up."  
"I know that Hiro. But this time it's not about him. It's about me. I need to sing this song." Shuichi sounded determined. Hiro smiled.  
"Fujisaki." Fujisaki stopped pacing and turned towards them. "Calm down. We're doing the song because it's a better choice. Beside," Hiro said as he looked at Shuichi. "We're Bad Luck. We're the best band out there."  
Shuichi gave Hiro a grin. "Except for Nittle Grasper."  
Hiro chuckled. "Shuichi, with this song I bet we're better then Nittle Grasper."  
"Really?"  
"Really. Now let's go. We're on in five."  
Bad Luck ran up to the stage where they were greeted by thousands of screaming fans. It was their moment to shine.  
  
I sat in my dark apartment smoking a cigarette, drinking a beer and thinking. Thinking about the past twenty-four hours. What had happened to me? Sure, we'd had fights before. But he always started to apologize. Not me. What was different about this time? And why do I care so much?  
I sat alone scowling. Damn him for running out on me. Damn him for being so sensitive. He can stay gone for all I care. I hope the little idiot never comes back. I'm right. He's wrong and I hope to never see him again.  
I stopped ranting and waited in silence for a few minutes. Usually I felt better after cursing people to high heavens. But this time, it didn't happen. I felt more miserable then I did before.  
"Oh fuck it." I said and went to my computer. Writing always made me feel better. I began typing. Suddenly that voice showed up again.  
You love him, don't you?  
"No. I don't." I said out loud.  
Oh, so it's not love that's making you freak out every second he's not around?  
"I'm not freaking out." I said calmly. "I'm writing."  
Then why are you writing about him?  
"I'm not-" and then I looked down and read what I had written.  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
Or why I have to scream  
I don't know why I instigate  
And say what I don't mean  
I don't know how I got this way  
I'll never be alright  
So I'm breaking the habit tonight  
  
"That's.That's not about him." I said, surprised at what was on the screen.  
Oh no? said the voice smugly.  
"No. It's not." I said more desperate then before. I didn't want it to be true.  
Why are you fighting? You love him. Just admit it.  
I pushed back from the computer. "No. No I don't. I can't."  
But you do.  
"No!" I yelled out. "I don't love him! I don't. I don't!" I sounded like I was throwing a temper tantrum. But I had to convince myself that my heart was wrong. I didn't love him. I couldn't possibly love that stupid, pink haired, annoying, beautiful, adorable, sweet-  
"AHH!" I screamed. I slumped to the floor. I was defeated.  
"I love him." I said out loud, barely above a whisper. "I love Shuichi. And I don't deserve it. Not after everything I've done. I'm a monster. I shouldn't be happy. That's why I push him away. That's why he is better off without me."  
All was quiet. The voice was gone. I was by myself. But it was ok. I knew what I had to do. I went over to the computer and finished what I had started. I only had an hour before the concert. It had to be ready by then. 


	6. Chapter 6: The concert

Ooops! I forgot to mention that the poem Yuki started to write is actually lyrics to "Breaking the Habit" by Linkin Park. Also, the song Shuichi sings in this chapter is "Numb" also by Linkin Park. Hmmm.notice a trend? Thanks for all the comments. I'm prolonging the inevitable as long as I can. Eh.want to post something but I don't like the second part of this chapter yet. So, it's just Yuki's perspective. Enjoy!  
  
I showed up to the concert a few minutes late. It was all that damn city traffic! No one knew how to drive in this town. So by the time I showed up to the main gate I was more then a little pissed off. I walked through the front door when this short fat man stopped me.  
"I'm sorry sir, but you can't go in. This venue is sold out." I pretended I didn't hear the little creton. I continued to walk when he grabbed my arm.  
"Sir, you can't go in."  
I ripped my arm from him and glared at him with my piercing gold eyes. He stepped back. Good, he's scared, I thought. That'll make things go much easier.  
"Listen here you little worm." I snarled. "I don't have to explain myself to you. I'm going into this building wether you like it or not. So just BACK OFF!"  
Perhaps I said that a bit too forcefully because before I could stop him he was calling for back-up. "We have a situation here. Guard 019 requesting back-up."  
Shit, this is just what I didn't need. I went towards him and tried to tell him that back-up wasn't necessary. He must have thought I was trying to attack him because he pulled out his bottle of mace. "Don't, don't come any closer." He stammered.  
"Look, I don't want to start any trouble. Just call Seguchi Tohma and tell him-"  
"Oh, I'm sure you know The Seguchi Tohma. Right. As far as you know, I'M Seguchi Tohma. So just shut up until the others arrive."  
Stupid prick. "Listen, you-"  
"Who, exactly, is Seguchi Tohma?" a voice said behind me.  
"Seguchi Tohma!" The little maggot muttered. "Uh, this man says that he knows you."  
"Of course he knows me. This is Yuki Eiri. My brother-in-law." The security guard was stunned.  
"Yuki-Eiri? Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Go-go right ahead in." I stared at him in disgust. I couldn't believe that I had just wasted ten minutes of my life that I was never going to get back.  
"Yuki, what are you doing here?" Tohma asked as we walked backstage.  
"I'm here to see Shuichi. Sakuma-san said he'd be here." Tohma stopped, surprised.  
"You're here to see Shindo-san?"  
"Yes." I said plainly. "Now where is he?"  
"Umm, he's on stage right now."  
"WHAT?!?" I said shocked.  
"Yes, he's opening for Nittle Grasper." Tohma continued walking. I ran past him. "Eiri! Where are you going?" He called to me.  
"I have to find the stage!" I yelled back frantically searching the signs for directions to the stage. I took a right at an arrow that seemed to be pointing in the direction of the screams. A left, another right, and then there it was. The stage. I found it just as Bad Luck entered. There Shuichi was in that silly yellow trenchcoat he always wore. I smiled. I hadn't missed his performance.  
"Hello Everybody!" Shuichi exclaimed. There was a roar from the crowd. I knew that Bad Luck was popular but I was in awe watching thousands of fans cheer them on. You've done it, I thought taking pride in his accomplishment. You're a star.  
"We're going to play a new song today. It will be on Bad Luck's new album released next month." The crowd screamed even louder. I looked at Shuichi and tried to wave to him. But at the angle I was at he couldn't see me. It's ok, I thought. I'll surprise him after his set.  
"The song is called Numb. I hope everyone likes it." The crowd roared. The lights on the stage went down and all that was heard was the beginning chords of the song. It was different from the other Bad Luck songs. It sounded sad. Shuichi approached the mic and started singing.  
  
Numb  
  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
feeling so faithless  
  
lost under the surface  
  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
  
put under the pressure  
  
of walking in your shoes  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
I've  
  
become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
become so tired  
  
so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
all I want to do  
  
is be more like me  
  
and be less like you  
  
can't you see that you're smothering me  
  
holding too tightly  
  
afraid to lose control  
  
cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]  
  
and every second I waste is more than I can take  
  
I've  
  
become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
become so tired  
  
so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
all I want to do  
  
is be more like me  
  
and be less like you  
  
And I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you  
  
I've  
  
become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
become so tired  
  
so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this  
  
all I want to do  
  
is be more like me  
  
and be less like you  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be  
  
I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there  
  
Is everything what you want me to be  
  
The song ended. The crowd went crazy. Bad Luck bowed and left the stage. And I? Well, I just stood there.  
That song........that song was about....me?  
I didn't notice that Tohma was standing right behind me.  
"I'm sorry, Eiri-san." He said.  
"You knew?" I said slowly. "You knew what the song was about and still, you didn't stop me from coming to the stage?"  
"I didn't think you were coming tonight. I didn't know you even knew about the concert. I wouldn't have ok'd the song if I knew-"  
I put my hand up to stop him from talking. "No, I'm glad he sang the song. Tell me, where is the dressing room?"  
"No." Tohma said. He sounded frightened. It must have been the mono tone sound in my voice. "I don't think that's a good idea."  
I just walked away again. If I found the stage, I could find the dressing room. "Tohma, get ready for your show." I commanded. Tohma always listened to my commands.  
I walked. I didn't know what else to do. That song, that song was about me. And, Shuichi.how he felt. Did I expect that much from him? Was I that demanding? I.I was shocked. And hurt. I needed an explanation. What did he mean by that song?  
When I found the dressing room I discovered that there was a crowd of squealing teenage girls. I didn't want to create a scene when Shuichi came out. Seeing Shuichi was one thing those fan girls could handle.but seeing Shuichi and his famous boyfriend Yuki Eiri, I'm sure we'd create a riot situation. I hid inside a closet. I watched as the dressing room door opened and Shuichi was attacked from all sides by people wanting autographs. He was smiling. He looked so happy. I was sure that if I were to approach him, that smile would be gone. I didn't want that. I didn't want to ruin his smile. So, I backed further into the closet to keep him from seeing me peek out of the crack. It was then that I realized I wasn't alone in the closet.  
"He looks happy, doesn't he?" the man behind me said into my ear.  
"Yes, he does." I agreed.  
"So why are you hiding from him?"  
"I don't want to spoil his good mood." I said sadly.  
We stood there in the closet for a few minutes. I was trying to decide what I should do. I had come to the concert with a purpose. I was going to confront Shuichi and tell him everything, but. I looked at his face once again. That smile, it illuminated everything around him. I couldn't go through with it. It was time that I left.  
"Sakuma-san." I said to the man standing behind me. "Would you mind giving him this." I passed the letter that I had been keeping in pocket to Ryuichi. He took it.  
"Ok Yuki."  
I stood there watching Shuichi. I felt like crying. It was horrible. He was lost to me. I had to let him go. Sakuma-san must have noticed my change in mood because he hugged me. Ever been hugged by a 32 year-old in a pink bunny suit? It's an odd yet comforting feeling.  
"I'm so very sorry Yuki." He said, sounding sincere. It was so unlike him. I couldn't bear for Sakuma Ryuichi to be so somber. Not for me. No one should feel sorry for me. So, I did the one thing I could think of that would snap him out of it. I told a joke.  
"Is that a broom handle, or are you just happy to see me?"  
He let go suddenly. "No, I, uh" he stuttered. I chuckled.  
"Sakuma-san. It was a joke." He was silent for a moment then laughed.  
"Yuki is so funny, na no da. No wonder Shu-chan loves him, Kumagoro." He glomped me, giving me no time to think about his words.  
"Ok, ok. I'm going now." I said, sounding like my old self. "Make sure Shuichi gets that letter."  
"I will na no da. Kuma and I will deliver it personally."  
I walked out of the closet nervously avoiding the massive hoarde of teenagers. I felt a bit better, but I couldn't ignore the empty feeling in my heart. He was singing about me. About how I made him feel. I guess I shouldn't be surprised thought. I really screwed up this time. I took my time getting home. No one would be waiting for me to get back. I let him go. 


	7. Chapter 7: Shuichi

-DANCES- OH SWEET LOVING GOD!! I CAN FINALLY UPLOAD AGAIN!!! SOOOO JOYFULL!!!!! I dunno why the website wasn't letting me upload the chapter.but I SO HAPPY I CAN NOW!! WOOT!!!  
  
Yes, another short chapter I know. Thanks for all the responses. I thoroughly enjoy them. :-D  
  
Shuichi barely made it back into the dressing room. He could hardly believe the massive amounts of fans Bad Luck had. He remembered when he and Hiro were nobodies. Now, Shuichi couldn't walk into a grocery store without a crowd of people recognizing who he was. It made his head spin.  
Shuichi looked around and saw that he was the only one in the room. Fujisaki and Hiro must have left to go watch Nittle Grasper, Shuichi thought. I guess I should go up too. Shuichi started to change out of his outfit when something pink and furry burst through the dressing room door.  
"SHU-CHAN!!" the creature cried.  
"AHHHHHHH!!" Shuichi screamed. The creature glomped him.  
"Shu-chan! I've been looking for you!!"  
"Ryuichi?" Shuichi said, gasping for breath. "Could you let go of me, please? I can't breathe."  
Ryuichi quickly let go. "Shu-chan! So sorry. Gomen ne. Forgive me."  
Shuichi smiled. "It's ok, Ryuichi. Don't you have to go on stage soon?"  
Ryuichi nodded. "But, Kuma and I have been sent on a secret mission." Shuichi looked confused.  
"Secret mission?"  
"Hai Hai!" Kuma bounced up and down. In his paws was a white letter. "This letter is for Shu-chan!"  
Shuichi took the letter from the bouncing bunny. Immediately his heart began beating faster. His hand shook. What's wrong with me? Shuichi thought. It's just another letter from a fan. Or it's a drawing from Ryuichi. Why am I getting excited?  
"Who sent this?" Shuichi asked. Ryuichi just smiled.  
"It's a secret!"  
Suddenly, the crowd bye the stage erupted. "Nittle Grasper must be about to take the stage." Shuichi said. "You better go, Ryuichi."  
Ryuichi went towards the door, but before he opened it he quickly turned around and gave Shuichi a big hug. "Good Luck, Shuichi." He said seriously before gliding out the door like the rock star he was. Shuichi stood stunned. Good luck? What was that supposed to mean?  
He turned his attention back to the white envelope. It was plain, nothing special about it. Just like any other envelope you could by at a stationary store. There were no markings on it, nothing to indicate who the letter was for. Well, might as well see who it's from, Shuichi thought as he tore open the seal. A single piece of paper fell out onto the ground. Shuichi picked it up and read what was inside.  
  
Memories consume  
  
Like opening the wound  
  
I'm picking me apart again  
  
You all assume  
  
I'm safe here in my room  
  
(Unless i try to start again)  
  
I don't want to be the one  
  
The battles always choose  
  
Cause inside i realize  
  
That i'm the one confused  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
Or why i have to scream  
  
I don't know why i instigate  
  
And say what i don't mean  
  
I don't know how i got this way  
  
I know it's not alright  
  
So i'm breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit  
  
Tonight  
  
Clutching my cure  
  
I tightly lock the door  
  
I try to catch my breath again  
  
I hurt much more  
  
Than anytime before  
  
I had no options left again  
  
I don't want to be the one  
  
The battles always choose  
  
Cause inside i realize  
  
That i'm the one confused  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
Or why i have to scream  
  
I don't know why i instigate  
  
And say what i don't mean  
  
I don't know how i got this way  
  
I'll never be alright  
  
So i'm breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit  
  
Tonight  
  
I'll paint it on the walls  
  
Cause i'm the one at fault  
  
I'll never fight again  
  
And this is how it ends  
  
I don't know what's worth fighting for  
  
Or why i have to scream  
  
But now i have some clarity  
  
To show you what i mean  
  
I don't know how i got this way  
  
I'll never be alright  
  
So i'm breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit  
  
I'm breaking the habit tonight  
  
I miss you. Come home.  
  
Shuichi burst out of the dressing room running. He had to get home to Yuki. He'd been here tonight. He'd actually shown up. And what if he got the wrong idea about the song? No.No, he couldn't let it end like this. Yuki wanted him. He actually wanted him. And Shuichi wasn't going to have him wait one minute more.  
Yuki, Shuichi thought tears running down his face. I'm coming. I'm coming home.  
  
Song: Breaking the Habit-Linkin Park 


	8. Chapter 8: And the suspense continues

Brief apology about this next chapter. I don't know what came over me. I had all planned this to be the last chapter, but I was in the car and.just thought of this. I love Yuki so much.but I make his life miserable. Oh well.he's mean to my Shuichi. :-p Thanks for all the reviews!! Danka Danka!! And now---Chapter 8!  
  
Darkness. That's where I sit now. Ok, so really it's not that dark. I can see pretty well, it is a full moon out tonight. And I can see the glowing red embers of my cigarette. But, it doesn't matter now. I'm back where I started. All by myself, staring at the ceiling. God, I hate this so much, I feel so defeated. A feeling I despise in myself. I just have to learn to live without him. I lived for so long on my own. It shouldn't be so hard to slip back into my old habits. So why does it feel hard?  
The smoke is filling the room. I should really open a window or something. My eyes are starting to burn, and if my eyes burn, then Shuichi's sensitive eyes will definitely-  
Why do I think about that now? Why do I care, now that he's gone? Heh, I guess that's just me. It doesn't bother me until they aren't here anymore. It just hurts this time. It hurts.  
  
Shuichi ran, all the while thinking about Yuki's lyrics. Lyrics meant for him. Why? Why say all that now? He thought, tears running down his face. He had to find out what Yuki had meant. He had to find out why he had shown up to a concert that Shuichi was SURE he hadn't told him about.  
Horns blared as he dashed across the street to the apartment complex. He ran to the buzzer and pushed it multiple times.  
"Yuki! Yuki! It's me! Let me in!" Shuichi said frantically. There was no answer.  
"Yuki! Yuki!" Shuichi tried again. "Shoot, where did I put that key?"  
  
He patted down his clothing, mad that he didn't change out of his concert costume. He was about to give up when it hit him. He took off his right boot and pulled out his lucky charm. It was the key that Yuki had first given him when he had moved in Shuichi had made a duplicate to use while he kept this one Yuki gave him as a good luck charm on stage. It made him feel more confident. A little piece of Yuki would be with him at all the concerts, even if the real Yuki couldn't make it.  
Shuichi stared at the little key in his hands. He smiled. One small victory. He opened the door and ran up the stairs to the apartment. His hands fumbled to put the key in the lock. He was in such a hurry to get inside and talk to Yuki. He flung the door open. It was dark inside. Shuichi could barely see. "Yuki?" he called as he flipped on the light.  
Yuki was slumped on the couch. His cigarette had fallen out of his hand and was now smoldering the fabric. He lay there, unmoving. Shuichi gasped and shrieked his name.  
"YUKI!"  
Oh please God, Shuichi prayed as he rushed to Yuki's side. Please don't let him be-  
He jumped onto the couch and smothered the cigarette by pushing it onto the floor and stamping it out with his boot. He then took Yuki's face in his hands and tried to wake him up.  
"Wake up Yuki. Please wake up!" Shuichi said desperately. Tears were falling down his face again.  
"Please, please be alright. Oh, Yuki!"  
"Yuki!"  
  
"Yuki!" I said, surprised. I couldn't believe my eyes. Here he was, my mentor from New York, standing right in front of me. It's been a good ten years since I have last seen him. He should be as old as Sakuma Ryuichi now. But he looked exactly the same as I remembered him. He looked at me.  
"It's been a while, hasn't it Eiri-san?"  
I grinned. "It has. I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch. These past few years have been really busy. Won't you come in?" I opened the door to my apartment. He smiled and stepped in.  
"You've done well for yourself, Eiri-san. This is a nice place you have." I blushed.  
"Thanks. Ya know, I owe a lot of my success to you."  
"Oh?" he looked surprised.  
"Of course! If you hadn't encouraged me to pursue writing, who knows where I would have ended up." I sat down on the couch and he did the same. It felt so good to talk to him again. I really shouldn't have lost touch. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed our talks.  
He smiled again. "Oh, I don't deserve that much credit. You have all the talent. I just steered you in the right direction." He said modestly. I shook my head.  
"No, you did a lot more. In fact, that's why I took your name as my pen name." He took my hand. I blushed again.  
"We had a lot of good times, didn't we Eiri-san?" He asked me, looking deep into my eyes. I gulped.  
"Of-of course we did, Yuki." I stuttered. I began to feel nervous. I didn't know why.  
"Yes, we did." He never broke eye contact with me. "But-"  
"But?" I whispered. He inched closer.  
"But, there are some things that we never got to do." He took my face in his hands and kissed me.  
I was in shock. Not that it was a bad kiss. It's just something was wrong. Horribly wrong. And I couldn't put my fingers on what it was.  
"Yuki." I said, gently pushing him away. "What are you-"  
"Doing? Finishing what I started ten years ago." He looked me in the eye again. His eyes had turned cold. He no longer was smiling.  
"I don't understand what you mean." I pushed him back. He just grabbed my shoulder and pushed me down harder.  
"You understand what I mean." He kissed me again, rough this time. He was hurting me.  
"Stop, that hurts." I pleaded and tried to get him off of me. He didn't budge.  
"Not after I pay you back for what you did to me." He snarled in my ear. My eyes widened. I remembered. I tried to get away but he was too strong, he laughed, his hands roaming my body.  
"You thought I'd let you get away with it? Away with killing me? Not likely, Eiri-san. I wasted too much time trying to get you into bed for it to end in my death." I stared in shock. He chuckled again.  
"Awwww, you actually thought I mentored you for nothing? What an idiot. No, you were too pretty to pass up." He licked my face. I trembled. " And now, I'll get what I always wanted."  
His hands crept lower until they reached the buckle on my pants. "Please, don't" I begged, tears falling down my face. He didn't. I moaned in spite of myself. A cruel laugh escaped his throat. "My, my. You sure are excited for someone who wants me to stop."  
I opened my eyes and I was twelve again. I was cornered in that abandoned room. No one would hear me. No one would save me. It was going to happen all over again.  
"Get off of him!" A voice shouted from across the room. I looked and saw someone with pink hair walk towards me. Shuichi? I thought.  
"Who the hell are you?" Yuki said from on top of me. Shuichi came over and grabbed Yuki by the shoulder.  
"I said, GET OFF OF HIM!" He punched him in the face.  
Yuki went sprawling back, blood dripping from his nose. Shuichi looked down at me and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Are you ok?" he asked tenderly. I couldn't speak. I was still terrified in my twelve year old state of mind. I just nodded. He smiled. I felt safe. But then, Yuki stood up and smeared the blood off his nose.  
"It doesn't end that easily." He said as he pointed a gun, the same gun that I had used on him ten years ago, at the back of Shuichi's head. The hammer clicked. I opened my mouth to scream when the gun went off.  
  
-avoids thrown objects- hey, at least I update fast, yes? 


	9. Chapter 9: The End

-sniff sniff- This is the end. Thank you SOO much for all your responses. I hope you like this chapter. And now-the end.  
  
My eyes flew open. There in front of me were two purple orbs staring into my own golden ones. I screamed and pushed away. He was dead! It couldn't be him! I heard the shot, saw the blood. I did my best to get his cold arms off of me. But the owner of the arms would not let go.  
"Yuki? Yuki! Oh, I'm so happy you are awake! I was so worried." He held on to me tightly. I struggled a few seconds more before I realized he was talking to me. I was Yuki. Some phantom from the past hadn't shown up in my room. It was only in my head.  
I looked into his worried eyes. The dream was so real; it was hard to imagine that he was still here. I hadn't lost him for good. Before I could stop myself tears were running down my face. Shuichi stared in shock.  
"Yuki? Yuki, what's wrong?" he asked, his tone soft and full of concern. I covered my face. I didn't want him to see me like this. His arms went to embrace me. It was too much. I quickly stood and went to the kitchen and poured myself a drink. I had gone out today and bought some good sake to drown my sorrows in. I just hadn't gotten around to the "drowning" bit. But they way I felt right now, I needed the drink. Shuichi didn't protest. He just followed me into the kitchen.  
"What are you doing here?" I managed to whisper, still very much shaken up by the dream.  
"I got your letter, Yuki." He said.  
"My letter?" I was confused. I couldn't think of anything but that horrific vision. I closed my eyes and tried to will the scene away.  
"Yes, Sakuma-san brought it to me. He didn't tell me who it was from, but I knew it was you." I couldn't hear his voice. The dream kept coming back to me over and over again. My arms were shaking. Go away, I thought. Just go away. Why won't you leave me be, Yuki? Why?  
"Go away" I whispered out loud, without thinking.  
"What?" Shuichi said, approaching me. I didn't hear it. All I heard was laughing.  
"Shut up!" I said louder. Shuichi flinched.  
"Yuki, I-"  
I opened my eyes and saw my reflection in the window. But it wasn't me, it was Yuki. Anger flared through me. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I roared and threw my glass into the pane. It shattered into a million pieces. I fell to the floor sobbing. Shuichi rushed to my side and knelt down despite the broken glass shards.  
"You should go." I said through my tears. "I don't want you to see me like this." He shook his head.  
"I'd never leave you, Yuki. I love you." He said.  
"Then why" I spit out. "Why did you leave me last night?" Shuichi sighed and shook his head.  
"That doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that I'm here now."  
"No!" I said defiantly. I noticed the tone in his voice. That wasn't love. That was pity. "No, it is important. If you love me, why did you leave?"  
He was silent.  
"Why are you here?" I asked him, my calm returning.  
"I needed to tell you something," he said, still looking away. "But it isn't important right now."  
"Then you can go now." I stood up and started to walk into the bedroom. Shuichi stood up as well. He actually looked angry.  
"Yuki." He stated in a voice I'd never heard before. "Do you know what yesterday was? Do you?" A small quiver entered his voice. I was stunned. This time, I had nothing to say.  
"Yesterday-yesterday was the day that I was raped. And you-you kicked me out! I couldn't beg and plead any more, Yuki! I just wanted you to tell me you loved me, especially then. But, you told me to leave, just like always." I looked away ashamed. So that explained his behavior that night. Why he clung to me and told me he loved me more times then he usually did. I didn't know until now.  
"Shuichi, I-" He held his hand up.  
"I'm not done. I left you because it was the only thing I could do. I hoped it would change things. Maybe help you see that I can't be ordered around by you any more. But it seems like I did it for nothing. Perhaps that poem of yours was just a way to get me back here so you could have your toy back. I'm sorry Yuki. I love you, but I just can't." His eyes watered but no tears fell. This was a new Shuichi. A Shuichi that was standing up for himself. I loved him even more.  
"Goodbye, Yuki." He said and turned to walk out of the apartment. But this time, my feet obeyed my heart. I walked over to where he was and hugged him from behind.  
"Do you know what hell you've put me through today?" I whispered into his ear. "I've been haunted by the thought of you, by dreams of you, everything you are. I realized that without you, I'm nothing. Please, don't put me behind you." I turned him around, his eyes were wide in shock. A single tear started to fall down his cheek. I wiped it off.  
"No more tears, Shuichi. Not over me." I kissed him then. A soft and gentle kiss.  
"I love you, Shuichi."  
He fell into my arms and I gladly accepted him. He cried. "Oh, Yuki. I've been waiting so long to hear those words from you. I promise, I won't ever leave you again. And I won't bug you or annoy you or make silly-"  
I stopped him with a kiss again. "Idiot." I said lovingly. "Why would I want you to stop all of those things. That is what makes Shuichi, Shuichi. I wouldn't have you any other way."  
Shuichi smiled. It made me forget that horrible dream. That was the past, a past better left forgotten. And Shuichi was my present and my future. I was at last content.  
Shuichi giggled. "What?" I asked him.  
"Oh nothing, just remembered something Sakuma-san said today about a mean yellow haired monkey in a tree. That doesn't remind you of anyone, does it?" I growled.  
"Shuichi, I'll do something you'll really enjoy if you promise never to mention a 'yellow monkey' ever again." He grinned.  
"I don't know-I think I might just have to write a song about that-" I kissed him deeper then before. He melted into me.  
"Yu~ki" he moaned.  
I carried him into the bedroom, the moonlight streaming through the broken window. I left my past in the shattered pieces of glass on the carpet out side my bedroom door. Inside, I embraced my Shuichi and we made a new beginning, erasing our past mistakes. I am Yuki Eiri, anti-nostalgic.  
  
The End. ^_^ 


End file.
